Feeling Spent
You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord.
Psalms 139:4 NLT
I need to name the voice in my head. Maybe you have one, too. It always shows up at inopportune times, shoves its way through the door, then sits down and stays too long!
I have several versions. Last week, the voice was disappointment. I don't know; maybe I'll call her Darla Disappointment. Anyway, it's time for her to go!
I had hopes she would move on over the weekend, but I can't seem to get her out the door. On this visit, I keep hearing her scoff at me, saying things like "great try, but you let them down again!" In most cases, no one knew I had let them down; it was just me missing my own self-imposed goals and deadlines.
It leaves me feeling pretty spent. A little like all the dandelions we have scattered about the yard right now, where all the seeds have blown away.
Thankfully, I've been up against Darla Disappointment and her friends enough times to know my own thoughts and feelings aren't very reliable or accurate. But it still takes me a few days to realize just who I'm up against, and that I'm getting nowhere on my own.
Eventually I call out with the announcement "God, I'm tired; I can't do it anymore." He always seems to be there waiting, I imagine with a gentle smile on his face and a big hug. Even as I say it, I imagine him replying with "I know. I was just waiting for your call."
I'm ending today with 2 requests of the Lord: 1- forgive me for not calling right away, and 2- send Darla Disappointment on her way! I don't know what unwanted visitor will show up in my mind next week, but it's guaranteed to be someone. Hopefully I'll recognize them for who he or she really is sooner, and put the whole ordeal God's hands, where it belongs.
Do you have any unwanted visitors in your mind this week? I would love to pray that the visit ends quickly!
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