Growing with the Seasons
By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward- to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.
Philippians 3:13-14 MSG
As of Monday at 2:55am, I am another year older. I always apologize to mom for the timing. At least in my head, I always apologize to dad for the broken down combine; as if my birth is what broke the engine all those years ago.
I really like my birthday. It's probably a silly thing to say; I would imagine most of us like our birthdays, especially if no one asks how old we are!
Although, I don't mind that question- I'm 38 and trying to decide how I got so close to 40? I like the idea of 40; there will be so many new adventures!
I didn't always eagerly look forward. So in all of the excitement of what's unseen up ahead, I also stop to take a breath and look back.
Today I keep venturing back to my heart at 17. There were a few times that year that I didn't plan on seeing 18. I'm not going to go into that more here, but we can talk about it if that's ever helpful to you.
I look back at that year and internally give myself a big hug. From where I stand now, 20 years later, I can see that I was going through a season much like autumn. My heart felt like it was in a free fall. But it had to be; in MY story, that was the only way to make space for new growth.
College years felt like winter. I didn't feel any growth. I didn't understand why I needed the struggle. I didn't see that the struggle had done any good for me. And it certainly hadn't helped those closest to me!
I'm not sure when spring began. Seasons can come in sneaky like that sometimes. I do know that these 20 years later, I'm in summer and growing.
Sorry. That's not your typical bright and happy birthday message. But it was weighing heavy and I just wanted to share. If it speaks to you in some way, or not, thank you for taking the time to read.
Below I'm putting a link to a song by JJ Heller called "Letter to my High School Self." It might be a song that resonates with you, too. I think it fits our hearts in so much more than high school. Some days I need this song for my middle school self, my college self, my young adult self, or my right now self.
Even on our hardest days, God is good and beckoning us onward.
Ellie with a leaf (See Leni in the background?), October 2020.
Comments