Wisdom . Discernment . Obedience
I just need to know that you are with me
Even if you keep me in suspense…
You hold my tomorrow and all tomorrow holds
You already know
You Already Know, JJ Heller (2020)
Wisdom. Discernment. Obedience. These 3 words have been my prayer for nearly a year now.
The prayer started on a Saturday afternoon as I mowed amidst the walnut trees down our lane. The lawnmower is usually where I hear God speak the clearest. And I heard God say so clearly “it’s time to go.” In the next breath I reacted with “No! This is where I’ve waited to live, where I told my grandma I would live! Are you kidding? No!”
Stephen came home from a work trip the next week and said “I think we need to move.” Wow! What a gut punch! I already told God "no," so why should it come up again? Hadn’t he heard me the first time?
Panic set in as I told Stephen, “if we’re moving, I need to see the city now.” Two weeks after I told God “no,” we found ourselves at a hotel in Birmingham searching the internet for houses. And I found it. Right there looking at me. It had only been up a week. If I wasn’t getting to stay where I knew I belonged, this was where we should live.
We went home a day late, after cancelled flights. And the daily ritual began: "What do you think today?" "Are we going or staying?" It was exhausting! In my mind, one day, I had us packed and the furniture arranged in the new house. The next day, I knew we were staying and I was rearranging the furniture in the living room. Some days, we gave each other the same answer. Some of the mornings when I would say "we absolutely have to go," Stephen felt just as sure that we absolutely had to stay. And by the next morning, we were in the opposite set of shoes. Sleeping was a little harder. Most every night I fell asleep repeating those 3 words to myself over and over…. “Wisdom, discernment, obedience. Wisdom, discernment, obedience. Wisdom, discernment, obedience.”
I did not come up with this prayer. But here’s what I think is so amazing about this 3 word prayer:
Wisdom is about knowledge and experience. And where I had none, I was begging God to share with me. I didn't have it; I had to receive it.
Discernment is about our ability to judge, and understand, our knowledge and experience. This still isn’t something I can do on my own! It’s only with God, his Word, and some trusted guidance that I can muddle through the mess to the other side.
Obedience comes down to action- and my choice! That has felt so powerful to me over the last year. God gives me the wisdom. I work through the knowledge and experiences with guidance from him, and the people he’s placed in my life, so that I can make a choice! The song I share up above today has been like an anthem for this prayer of mine. It's such a struggle, but ultimately I'm ok with not seeing the answers yet. "I just need to know you are with me even if you keep me in suspense." I don't know all the answers to all of the burning questions but "You already know," and that is comforting. Stephen and I have found our answer. We aren't moving right now. It felt like forever in the wait. I know part of the exercise was in remembering that this house I live in, where my girls are the 4th generation of our family to call the farm home, is still just a house. My identity is not mortared in the bricks. And I just keep praying the prayer; “Wisdom, discernment, obedience. Wisdom, discernment, obedience. Wisdom, discernment, obedience.” What are you releasing from your control this week? Are you remembering that God already knows?
Sylvia saying her bedtime prayers, November 2018.
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